[Reprinted with Permission from ShyGuy’s How to Get a Girlfriend Blog, http://sweetheartreport.com]

Rapport. Being ‘in sync.” In the same groove. Of the same mind.

That’s the way you want the girl to be. Right?

But your acting like one of the girls won’t get it. Though girls *say* they like “good guys,” what happens if you generate the “good guy” image is that you become a girlfriend of hers. Next thing you know she’ll be telling you about her romantic adventures, and expecting you to comment and commiserate!

That’s not what you want!

You’ve got to be a man, a guy with a life of his own, not too caught up with her too fast (or you’ll scare her away, because it’s happened to her before). Only then is she intrigued. But along the way, how can you build rapport, so she’s feeling close to you and feeling comfortable to get closer.

Here’s how …

First, let’s look at the definition. Some of the main clues are right there:

Main Entry: rap·port
Pronunciation: ra-'po(&)r
Function: noun
1 : relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity
2 : a relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people
3 : confidence of a subject in the operator (as in hypnotism or psychotherapy) with willingness to cooperate

Definition #3 really sounds promising, right?

Definition #2 is what you’re trying to accomplish.

Definition #1 gives the clues on how to do it.


Definition #1 is saying that “harmony (occurs with) conformity, accord, and affinity.”

Conformity: You cannot be “one of the girls,” but if your views *conform* to her own, she will find you to be a kindred spirit. And she will like that.

A caution: If she says nothing unique, do *not* jump in there saying how swell she is for that. Because it’s nothing personal to her. For example, if she says she was “driving around,” you don’t say how groovy that is, because she won’t feel specially connected to you about something that everyone does. That’s not “special.”

But if she says that she went to the bead store because she’s making a beaded bracelet, this is something unique. Most people don’t go to the bead store, but she (uniquely) does. So here’s where you jump in with a compatible view. You could, if it’s anywhere true, say that you’re crazy about making beaded bracelets.

However, if that’s a stretch, then you could try:

  1. “I remember making beaded things at summer camp. Frankly, I liked it. Is it still fun? What do you find most satisfying about it?” … OR …
  2. “I had a friend who ran a bead store. He was just crazy about all the subtle colors, but I liked the bright-colored ones the best. And there’s thousands of them! How in the world do you go about choosing?” … OR …
  3. “There’s something satisfying about (working with your hands / making jewelry / working on small objects). That’s one of the things I liked in the crafts classes I took. How did you go about learning to do it?”

Each of these focuses in something unique (that the two of you share), and reveals to her that you (or your views) *conform* to her and her views. Your ideas are similar. The two of you are different from all the others, but the two of you are alike to each other. You have things in common.

So the formula is: (a) watch for her to reveal something unique. If you’re asking open ended questions, her answers will uncover some unique things pretty quickly. And then, you (b) reveal your view (or your past or your interest) that *conforms* to her uniqueness.

The result: She will feel more affinity for you. It will increase, a little, immediately.

You will usually see this by her having increased animation, becoming more lively, paying more attention to you, a change in her body position, looking more directly at, or turning her body more toward you, and perhaps an increase in her speech rate or an increase in the pitch of her voice.

Accord: This is simple. You agree with things.

You don’t agree with all of them, especially not with things that control the two of you. If you’ve made reservations at Fancy Armando’s Italian Restaurant, and she expresses a yen for Japanese food tonight, generally you don’t switch. You go to Fancy Armando’s tonight, and then (kind of as a surprise) you take her to Samurai Saki-House next week.

But if she hates the President … surprise! So do you!

If you cannot hate the President, then find *something* about him. For example, you could say, “Well, I’ve got to say … Have you ever seen a more phony haircut? I mean, really! Is it a wig? Do you know? Who does his damn makeup?”

And then steer the subject toward something about which you can more easily agree with her. And that becomes another general rule. Steer the conversation *toward* things (especially unique things) where you can agree, and steer the conversation *away* from things likely to raise discordant views.

Affinity: This word originally meant “related by marriage,” meaning that two people were in the same family, and thus the two of them are similar. However, it has come to mean attracted to each other.

And these two qualities are intimately related.

If you are *like* somebody else, then you will tend to *like* them.

That’s the rule, and the biggest clue of all right there. It’s worth repeating.

If you are *like* somebody else, then you will tend to *like* them.

And let’s turn it around so it applies to her and you.

If she and you are *alike*, then she will tend to *like* you.

[Continued Tomorrow in “Part Two” with a Magical Method to Make Somebody *Like You*]

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